He’s Just Not That Into You..or He’s Just That Intimidated, Sis!

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Hey you. Yeah you. The one sobbing and crying constantly checking your phone to see if you have a miss call or a text. You’ve already sent him 3 messages before he has even responded. You’re checking his page constantly and seeing whose photos he’s liking as you dwell in self pity. Okay. STOP IT! Pull yourself together and let it go like Elsa.. (Insert cheesy song from Disney’s Frozen here __________.)

Women go into overthinking mode and an ego reduction once they feel a guy has lost interest or has pulled away. Maybe it’s not you, maybe it’s him, maybe it’s you or…maybe he’s just intimadated. Have you ever thought of that? Men are very nervous at times and they don’t show it. I have had this happened to me in 2011; especially where some guys used to ghost me. The weird thing was that they even told me they felt intimadated because I was beautiful or was an author.

Total opposite and confusing right? πŸ™„

It seems backwards, right? Yes I know. I would think that being beautiful and doing something that showcased my talent wasn’t anything to make anyone scared; but sometimes it does. (For the scary guys who were afraid of chances, yeah.) So before you rest your head on your tear soaked pillow self sabotaging yourself, keep in mind that THAT could be a reason as to why your knight in shining armour ghosted you. (or has pulled away.) Sometimes people have things going on in their lives, but if they wanted you then they will make sure they show their existence sometimes….in fear of losing you.

If he ghosted you due to lack of interest, he could have been doing you a favor. You did nothing, but sometimes the chemistry may not be there and the universe designs it. (It’s called mutual connection.)

Not to mention that sometimes you are blinded by illusions (believing he is amazing when he hasn’t even done amazing things for you; so instead you are just imagining what it would be like and falling for a daydream. Women do this all the time when they get too excited too soon and it leads to getting hurt. Be careful..move step by step…that’s why they call it ‘building a relationship.)

When you are in the early stage don’t start daydreaming about the future yet. If he was never in a relationship with you then save your energy for someone that’s worth deserving of it. If he treats you like an option and never a priority then you have an answer. Save yourself some time and use this time to heal and regrow…regrow like green grass. (Just watch out for snakes 😚🐍)

Yes, But Are You Working On You Prior To A Relationship?

2010.. This is 24 year old me! πŸ™‚ If I could re-live my 20s again and start over I would. I accomplished a lot, but I felt like I wasted time focusing on things/people that were less important. See, in your 20s, you’re suppose to be enjoying life and be stress free. You’re suppose to be planning the future, living in the present and learning/growing from the past.

Sure, I accomplished a lot in my 20s, but I wasn’t really living. I felt I would have been way ahead in my 20s had I not let things distract me. At this age, I had finally moved on from my 2005 sexual assault that occured in college at the age of 18. I was also 2 years free of self abuse.

I was happy in this photo because I was with my family, but behind this smile I was going home to in an unhealthy relationship. An unstable relationship where I was being taken for granted; giving my all for so little and putting myself last. I was half way into loving myself again, but little did I know I needed space and time to work on me. I needed to know what self worth meant along side of self love.

In order to do that, I needed balance after full recovery from my past. I didn’t start going in full effect of my self love journey until 2012. I had to end that unhealthy relationship to recover, build self love and understand self worth. After following that, I become a better version of myself; it is who I became today.

So before you enter into a new relationship or anything in 2020, make sure you have had enough time to work on you. It took me 7-9 years to be this much in love with myself. I have the strength of Wonder Woman! (*grabs super hero cape and soars into the air!πŸ¦Έβ€β™€οΈ)

Men See You How You SEE Yourself. So Work On You

If you want a man to treat you like a queen, I believe you must already see yourself as a queen and already see yourself as class. I am in my 30s and I didn’t realize this secret until my mid 20s. Lol I would be like, “why am I getting treated like I am less?” Because I was always so nice to give more than I was giving. In other words, “settling” and not realizing I was worthy. When people see you DON’T act worthy of yourself, they will feel they don’t have to put in much effort.

It’s all about how you treat yourself for them to know what kind of woman they are dealing with. You don’t even have to tell men what makes you happy sometimes, but it’s obvious by how you carry yourself.

If they offer you something you don’t want to do yet (for example, have sex on the first night and not go on a date) then you just have to go with your gut on how you truly feel, not his.

Going with your gut will get you further and more respect. More respect will give you better treatment, attention and better dates instead of booty calls. I try to preach this to women/young women all the time. If you settle for little then you will receive little in return.

If you know you want more in a relationship, then stop giving in to what you aren’t happy with. Let’s say he wants to you to meet him at his place for Netflix and chill, but deep down you want more than that. You want nice dinners, gifts and walks on the beach, meet his family, selfies and warm phone calls etc. However, you think telling him that will run him away so you settle for his way , right?

I believe if you put value on yourself then you’ll be respected more. Would you feel proud receiving a diamond if it were $20.00 or if it were $20,000.00? Immediatly, you wouldn’t care much about the diamond if the price was $15.00, but if you paid $20,000.00 for it then I’m sure you’d treat it like a child. You’d take extra care of it and would go crazy if something happened to it, right?

That is how I feel us women should see ourselves ….like something valuable and worthy. πŸ’Ž When we feel that way about who we are then others will too. Never settle to be treated like a $3.00 value meal when you’re a full course meal. You have so much to offer….you are NOT a snack.

ReNita XOXO πŸ’‹

You Want To Be Loved, But Have No Self Love…

You can tell if a woman loves herself or not based off what she settles for in life. I can tell plenty of stories back from my early 20s and give examples below lol
*I remember when I was 22 yrs old, I took a risk to see my ex bf in D.C with only $10.00 in my pocket…I didn’t think about my safety. So therefore I didn’t love myself bc the only thing I cared about was him over myself. 
*I used to do a guy’s paper in college thinking he’d like me more while my grades slipped.
I used to buy gifts for guys who never bought me anything, but bc I wanted them to like me.
*I would catch buses to visit a boyfriend when my mom would beg me not to go and she was crying. I still went..only for him to leave me by myself in a hotel room. I came home telling my mom she was right.
Don’t give your valuable body to someone who doesn’t deserve how worthy you are. That’s like  giving diamonds to a dollar store.

If you take these type of risks when you are in a relationship..then you are not in love. You are attached and that is different than a connection. You will know the difference later. ❀ Love yourself and you will be wise enough to know what type of treatment is best and what isn’t. You will see the difference.